


Athazagoraphobia

by GlitteringKitten



Category: McFly
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-04
Updated: 2012-12-04
Packaged: 2017-11-20 05:56:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/582034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitteringKitten/pseuds/GlitteringKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Athazagoraphobia - fear of being forgotten or ignored. When Danny has an accident after a show, life becomes very different for Tom, as he struggles to cope with what hand he's been dealt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Athazagoraphobia

“Remember this, won’t you?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“This moment. This -” he pointed to the audience, the screaming, the girls jumping around with excitement, the boys grinning without embarrassment. “Remember this is us, making it.”  
  
“I will.” He pressed a kiss to the other boy’s lips, deliberately out of sight of the many fans outside, before running back on stage to continue the set. Chords struck, the music began again.

* * *

  
 _“GET OUT OF THE WAY, GET OUT OF THE WAY! DANNY, DANNY!” Tom’s voice above the sirens, disappearing into an ambulance with a stretcher, as Dougie and Harry stood outside, clutching each other in shock, fans crying around them, not a single one of them certain what happened. Finally Harry breaks out of his silence and drags Dougie to a car, following the ambulance to the hospital, breaking the speed limit as he flies along the wet streets._

* * *

  
“…cr-esk? As? Sh…” The sounds coming from Danny’s mouth barely made any sense, but for Tom they were a lifeline, the best poetry created by man.  
  
“Danny!” A pair of dark blue eyes swivelled his way, looking out through bandages, trying to connect dots mentally. Tom’s fingers squeezed tightly around the ape-like hands laying on the bed, trying to reassure him that they knew each other.  
  
“Efk?” The words made no sense again, and this time Tom began to worry. There was no recognition in those eyes for him, no spark of love, no sudden relaxing that he was there and therefore Danny would be ok. Tom connected the fact that he’d felt no squeezing back amongst his fingers to the lack of recognition and bit his lip. Beside him, Dougie and Harry awoke from their sleeping states, having heard his exclamation of excitement. Both boys lent over the bed, smiling at their band mate, relief on their brows.  
  
“Dogs? Has?” The words were muffled, slightly confused, but with a hint of reassurance. Tom felt his heart fall down into his stomach, washing amongst acid as the other members of the band spoke softly to the resting boy.  Dougie’s eyes caught sight of Tom’s despair, and he reached across to touch the blonde’s hand, trying to show he understood.  
  
“Ah, Mr. Jones, welcome back to the real world.” A man in a white coat shooed Dougie and Harry away, hesitating before nodding to Tom. He’d seen the blonde boy there every day since the accident, knew that there was more to their friendship than just a few random laughs on stage. “Let me just loosen those bandages, so you can answer a few questions. Tom - would you like to take hold of that end for me and just unpin it?”  
  
“Tom?” The blue eyes turned to meet Tom’s dark, uncertain brown ones, trying to recognize the name and face-shape. As Tom’s fingers stumbled over the pin, the eyes followed his movements, still not making any connection.  
  
“Dougs…” Danny’s mouth spoke hesitantly as the bandages became loose, his empty hand reaching for the smaller boy. Automatically Dougie took his hand, throwing an apologetic look to Tom.  
  
“Well… without being cliché, Mr. Jones, you’re very lucky to be alive. You’ve been in a coma for three weeks, had an operation on your heart…. We’ve had to break your leg to reset the bone, and last of all, we had to cut your hair. It was awfully over-grown in those weeks.” The joke wasn’t lost on any of the boys, even Danny seemed to laugh, though he choked a little in the process.  
  
“We’d like to monitor you for another week; and then, we’ll let Tom take you home, if everything is ok.” A silence edged between them as finally Danny asked,  
  
“Who’s Tom?”

* * *

  
“He’s only just woken up, Tom, it’s only the first day- maybe he just,” Dougie hesitated, not really certain how to explain the fact Danny could recall both himself and Harry but not Tom. Beside him, the bandaged up boy slept heavily.  
  
“We-” Tom rubbed his eyes, not wanting to say it out loud, fearing admitting he’d been forgotten.  
  
“I know, and it’ll come back to him. He just needs time.”  
  
“Time with you?” Tom snapped, shrugging Dougie’s hand away angrily.  
  
“I can’t help what he remembers, Tom!” Dougie whispered, hurt look flickering on his face as Tom stormed away from them both.

* * *

  
Five weeks, and Danny still couldn’t remember him.  
  
Tom had made scrapbooks, taken small notes from their dates, given him hugs galore - but Danny had no recognition of who he was, and there was no way Tom was going to push him into anything if he couldn’t recall it naturally.  They were becoming friends again, new friends, rather than old ones; but Tom could feel his entire world crashing every time he saw Dougie together with Danny - the natural friendship of years gone by that was in no way fake, unlike his own relationship with the brunette. Instead of moving him home with Tom, Danny had requested to go home with Dougie. Though doctors had objected to the circumstances; certain that it’d be better for him to be in his own house, they knew he wouldn’t relax living with someone he didn’t know. And they also knew it could be devastating to Tom to see him everyday without a sense of familiarity; so to give him a break they agreed. Dougie’s house, they said, was just as much a home to Danny as Tom’s had been, so it was only fair he stay there. Dougie welcomed the idea a little too readily for Tom’s liking.  
  
“I want to help, that’s all Tom. You can come and stay over as well, if you want, but I can’t just leave him at the hospital. Are you telling me if it were either Harry or myself, you’d not want us at your home? You’d not want to care?”  
  
“No, of course not.”  
  
“Then, just stop this, ok? It’s jealousy over nothing. Give him time and he’ll remember you.” With that, he headed to where Danny was in a wheelchair and began to push him towards the car waiting outside, looking back only once to see Tom staring after them coldly.

* * *

  
Two months on, and Danny was back on his feet - so to speak. He still couldn’t recall things, like how to play his harmonica - but they were getting back to normal. In fact, the doctors came to the conclusion that he was pretty much on the fast track road to full recovery - except he still couldn’t remember Tom. Every now and again, Dougie would catch him tilting his head, staring at the blonde lead singer with intensity, as though trying desperately to recall him - but then he’d shake his head and look forlorn. Nothing was working. Tom was getting more disheartened, becoming a half-person who would wander around looking as though his best friend had died. Which, Dougie knew, was probably how he felt.  
  
Harry’s suggestion that they jam, as a group, was met with anger from Tom; as though it was a ridiculous idea to suggest that they could even try to get the same vibes back as before, with Danny unable to even place who he was.  But Harry persisted, and managed to get them all into Dougie’s front room with their instruments set low, just to play gently.  
  
“How about … we start with _Five Colours_?” Dougie suggested, knowing it was a song they’d all played so much they could play it without even thinking. Danny scrunched his eyes, and Dougie relented a little. “We can play it once and you can join in, maybe, if you feel up to it?”  
  
“Yeah, sure.”  
  
The familiar song took a few attempts, but it wasn’t long before Danny was note-perfect, more relaxed with each try. They followed through with _Obviously, That Girl, Star Girl, All About You_ and _I’ll Be Ok_ ; with Danny listening through until he recognized the melody, joining in when he remembered. It was only when Harry suggested _Room On The Third Floor_ that he looked completely lost. Even after playing it through the entire way, twice, he seemed to have no idea of it.  
  
“What… is this song? I mean… who sings about forgetting to put the do not disturb sign up?” Danny chuckled, surprised when Tom put his guitar down heavily and stormed out of the room. “What? What did I say?”  
  
“Don’t worry Danny, it’s…” Dougie shook his head, watching as Harry chased after the other boy. “It’s not your fault you can’t remember. This was the first song you and Tom wrote together. I think… it was about when you first got together. You know?” Dougie sighed, playing the baseline to _Transylvania_ softly. Danny frowned, putting his guitar down and heading out after Harry and Tom.  
  
“ - I know, I know, but it’s like … you can’t understand, Harry. You’ve not lost him. He’s still the same Danny to you. You’ve not been forgotten. You’re not waking up thinking, maybe today he’ll remember the time we talked under the stars, maybe today he’ll remember the first time we kissed, maybe today he’ll remember the first time we had sex, maybe today he’ll remember the day he proposed. You can’t understand because his mind hasn’t chosen you to dismiss as forgettable. You’re not the one being discarded, Harry, so don’t try to pretend you understand.”  
  
“But Tom, he can’t help that, you know he can’t.”  
  
“I don’t. How do I know he’s not just deliberately blocking it out? How? He ran out into the road without looking, Harry, because I said _yes_. Because I said _Yes I will marry you_. It’s my fault, and now I’m getting my just desserts. So just… leave me alone.”  
  
Tom disappeared into the back-garden, grabbing hold of Dougie’s spare cigarettes on the way out. He heard the door open behind him, refusing to turn around, talk to whoever had come to find him.  
  
“You don’t smoke, Tom. You tell me it’s awful for my health. Say it’s going to kill me. Every time I light up, you say it’s selfish.” Danny held a lighter out to the blonde, looking at the overcast sky.  
  
“You can’t remember that, you’re just telling me that because Dougie told you it.” Taking a drag of the cigarette, Tom spluttered a little, not used to the hit of nicotine that filled his lungs.  
  
“No. You’re right.” Danny replied, taking the cigarette off the other boy, smoking it slowly.  
  
“I didn’t - I’m sorry.”  
  
“You’re always apologetic, Tom. It’s not… it’s not your fault I had the accident. You know that, right?” The cigarette passed between them, light specks of rain falling from the sky.  Tom didn’t reply immediately, just stared out across the garden.  
  
“I wish you could remember me, Danny. Even just as a friend.” The flecks of rain hit Tom’s cheeks, mingling with the wet patches that were already there, escaping down his eyelashes. “I think that hurts more. That even if you couldn’t recall me as -” he hesitated, rubbing his arms to warm himself up as the rain became more thorough, “I just wish I’d made enough impact on you that you’d remember me as a friend.”  
  
“Tom…”  
  
“Danny, listen.” Tom turned to him, face slightly red from the wind and rain, eyes wet from tears. “I know it’s… hard for you. You’ve lost memories that you’re not getting back. I know that. I can’t even begin to wonder how that feels. But - at the same time, you don’t have to live with the knowledge that the person you’d planned on spending the rest of your life with has completely forgotten who you are. I don’t think you can understand that, and I wouldn’t wish it on you for anything. I just-” Tom shook his head, unable to explain himself.  
  
“Maybe… we should try. You know. I know you’ve not pushed me into remembering you, Tom, because you’re afraid it might make it worse, but… for me… seeing you like this … nothing _can_ be worse.”  
  
“It’s not like sleeping beauty, Danny.” Tom’s voice shook, unable to meet Danny’s eyes. “One kiss and it’ll all come back, that kind of thing. And… if you don’t ever remember me, I’m going to have to deal with it.”  
  
“Tom, _please_. I don’t know why, but it’s breaking my heart to see you this upset, and I just - I need to try, that’s all.”  
  
“I… it’s breaking your heart?”  
  
“It is.” Reaching across to touch Tom’s skin, cheek, Danny shrugged, “I can feel it inside, hurting as you’re hurting. Just because I can’t remember you mentally doesn’t mean my body doesn’t miss you … doesn’t want to hear your heartbeat in the morning, beating in time with my own heart. I thought… when I woke up… that it was Dougie, that Dougie was the person it yearned for. But it’s not. It’s not. Every time I see you I feel it skip, every time I hear your frustration and know it’s my fault it aches. So… maybe we should try. Just… once.”  
  
“What if I don’t let go?” Tom whispered as Danny leant into his body, fingers reaching between strands of wet hair. The curly haired boy chuckled in retaliation, hesitating slightly before bridging the gap between them; lips softly resting against Tom’s. Tom’s body trembled as the rain collapsed around them both, soaking them both as the wind twisted around their bodies. Danny’s mouth massaged Tom’s lips gently, recognizing their taste, recognizing their plump, delicious texture. When he broke away, Tom’s eyes searched his; a delicate speck of hope waltzing in the dark brown swirls. Danny’s breath clouded the air, as he reached forwards to place a second kiss to Tom’s lips, pulling him back towards the house, no longer in the rain, but on the porch, sheltered half-heartedly. This time Tom pulled away, knowing the answer before he even spoke. The door slammed as he headed inside, tears tumbling down his cheeks. Danny stood out in the rain, his own tears mirroring Tom’s.

* * *

  
 _“Tom, that bed’s broken.” Danny pointed to the half-broken slats of wood sticking out from underneath it, his own bed barely holding together itself. He patted the pillow beside his head. “Don’t be stupid. You can’t sleep on that.”_  
  
 _“Yeah but… yours couldn’t support me as well as you.” Shyly, Tom sat on the edge of the bed, worried about it collapsing beneath him._  
  
 _“We’ll mix and match.” Danny jumped off the bed and tugged Tom away, pushing the mattress up and pulling out the non-broken slats. Catching on quickly, Tom followed suit with the unbroken bed. Taking the slats out, he tested each carefully by bashing it against the floor; any that broke were thrown to one side. Eventually, they managed to create one bed between the two that was completely functional; and after throwing the cover and mattress back onto the slats, was incredibly comfortable. Both boys collapsed onto it with exhaustion, a thin layer of space between them._  
  
 _“Tom…” Danny leant on one side, looking at the other boy with interest, “this bed’s kinda small, are you sure you’re ok sharing it?”_  
  
 _“Ye…ah.” The hesitation made Danny nervous, but he nodded, staring at the ceiling and trying to ignore the sounds from above them. Tom’s hand reached up to touch Danny’s hair for a second, as if bemused._  
  
 _“You’ve straightened it.”_  
  
 _“Yeah… Kinda… got sick of the curls.” The sounds of the people screwing in the room above them became too much to ignore and they began to laugh at the strange sounds of “OHGODOHGOD” in a high falsetto voice._  
  
 _“You ever…” Danny nodded to the ceiling, interest in his eyes again._  
  
 _“In a hotel? No.” The answer came without delay, and Tom refused to look at Danny as he added, “Actually…I haven’t… ever.”_  
  
 _“You haven’t?”_  
  
 _“No.” The silence between them was slightly uneasy; Tom was clearly uncertain where the admittance would take them. After a few minutes, Danny smiled and reached over to touch Tom’s spiky hair._  
  
 _“I’ve not either.” It was as though he’d said the magic words; slowly the space between them began to disappear, until Danny’s fingers were stroking Tom’s cheeks and Tom was blushing shyly, not really ready to be kissed, but hoping to be all the same._  
  
 _“You’re kind of pretty for a guy, you know.” Danny’s voice was really soft, husky between the two of them; and before Tom had a chance to reply, he’d leant forwards and pressed his lips to the blonde boy’s. Tom had responded immediately, kissing back hungrily, not quite certain where it would lead but knowing that it was right for them, at that moment in time; it was perfect._

* * *

  
It was another week before Tom felt he could face Danny again; a week in which Dougie and Harry spent most of their time trying to convince him to speak to the other boy. Danny had spent his time at Dougie’s going through the scrapbooks Tom had given him before, touching photos and hoping that it might ignite some kind of memory; but he’d been unsuccessful so far - not a single memory had come back.  
  
When he arrived at Dougie’s house, Tom was quite certain he was going to regret coming. The disastrous kiss that they’d shared last time had brought too many real memories of their relationship back, too many moments that they’d shared - too many kisses that Danny would never remember. The only reason he had come back was to see if, at the least, they could move past it and be friends - for the sake of the band. He knew it’d be hard on himself, and thought he’d just see how painful it was, being around the other boy. But he didn’t have high hopes, and he was incredibly annoyed when both Dougie and Harry disappeared upon his arrival, leaving him with Danny, alone.  
  
“We had a lot of good times together, didn’t we?” Danny asked, when he entered the front room. Tom nodded, silently sitting on the sofa beside him, a sad smile on his face as they flicked through the pages of one of the many scrapbooks he’d created. Photo upon photo upon photo of Danny and Tom laughing, joking, hugging, stared back at them, reflecting light of an easier period of time.  
  
“This is when we made a snowman out in your back yard up in Bolton. Your mum said it was the quirkiest snowman she’d ever seen, and we’d been there for hours, building it, until it was getting dark. Then we went inside and had hot chocolate - but you spilt yours all over my jacket by accident and … you were so apologetic.” Tom smiled at the memory, touching the photo with a finger, the looks of annoyance on his face at the fact he was wearing a bright pink cardigan. “Your mother lent me that hideous top … and we put it on the snowman in the middle of the night, so when she woke up in the morning it was there, staring at her through the kitchen window.”  
  
“What about this one?” Danny pointed to a photo of Tom looking slightly embarrassed while standing by  a toilet stall, posters for a random band all over the stalls. Beside him, Tom flushed and shook his head. He looked about 18, sparkling eyes and bemused smile on his face.  
  
“We… when we were on tour, Dougie and Harry never let us be alone, so we snuck out to a gig, and… took the chance to spend a bit of time together …” Tom hesitated, quickly turning the page as he flushed with embarrassment. “You wanted to take a photo to show you could tick it off your list of things to do before you die - go down on someone in a dirty cubicle.” Danny laughed, covering his mouth to stifle his laughter. Tom nudged him on the knee, a natural reaction from before the accident.  
  
“And this one?”  
  
“This…” Tom touched the bus ticket with a finger, gently stroking it as if it had some kind of releasing mechanism. “We took a bus from my mum’s to ‘as far away as possible’. Just because we could. You wanted to spend time with me, and I wasn’t… keen on showing our relationship off to my mum yet. So you said, ‘let’s just go; let’s take some gear and go camping.’ ”  
  
“And you said, you didn’t own any camping gear, so we stayed out all night sleeping under the stars. You told me that you wasn’t sure what you wanted from life, but that you knew it was going to affect people all over the world.” Danny added, without even thinking about it. Tom’s finger stopped stroking the ticket for a second, but Danny didn’t even seem to notice.  
  
“Yeah. And you told me that as long as you could make something of yourself, you’d be ok with whatever you were dealt.” Tom turned the page slowly, wondering if Danny had realized that he’d remembered something, or whether it was a fluke. The book came to an end, so he took another out - one from their earlier years again, and began to flick through it slowly. Together they looked at the photos and sticker, although none in particular made Danny recall anything else, until he reached the back page.  
  
“Hey, Tom… is this the reservation from our hotel? The one in the song?”  
  
“Not the… first one, no.” Tom looked over the booking script, trying not to remember the night that came with it. “ It was a different night. We stayed there again, when you turned 18. Before we released our first single.” Tom hesitated, then added, “We told Dougie and Harry we were going to write more lyrics, but we didn’t; it had never been the plan. It was an excuse to get away from them for a bit, because we’d been living with them for a month and needed our space.”  
  
“You booked us the same room, and we rearranged the furniture so it was like our first night there; we stuck the air conditioner on heat and pretended we could only sleep in one bed. It was a squash,” Danny laughed, shaking his head, “Because we’d grown in two years, and there was no way we could both fit any more. But we didn’t care, because we…” Danny hesitated, as though the memory had jarred in his mind, like a record stuck in one place.  
  
“We didn’t care because we were drunk,” Tom added, his voice soft, trying to encourage the memory without pushing words into Danny’s mouth.  
  
“We were celebrating. But we’d not released anything yet - we… it was my birthday a couple of days before.  And you’d said you thought - you thought we were ready to go all the way. And I said it was about time…” Danny bit his lip, curly hair dancing around his face, “But I didn’t care because I was happy to wait for you when you thought it was right. When you knew it was love.” Danny reached over to touch Tom’s long blonde hair, pushing it away from his face, realizing that the other boy was crying again.  
  
“How can you only remember it in bits, Danny? The best night of our life and you can’t even remember it properly.” Tom whispered, letting him stroke the tears away with his rough fingers.  
  
“It’s coming back, Tom, it is, it’s just slow. I’m trying everything I can to make it work for us. I want us to be back to what we had - it looks so beautiful, like we were perfect together.”  
  
“We _are_ perfect together, Danny.” The tears fell a little harder, and Danny couldn’t help but pull the blonde boy towards him, into a hug, the feeling of being close to him starting to set the memories back in motion, millions of moments where Tom had held him when he’d felt awful after a night out; moments when Tom and woken him up and just pressed himself as close to the dark-haired boy as possible, wanting nothing more than to be inside him again. Moments when they’d both just stared out at some fantastic view, hands touching slightly, as though friends - just so nobody knew.  
  
“I’ll get there, Tommie, I promise. I promise you everything, I’ll get back to myself. And you’ll never have to cry again.” He pressed a kiss to Tom’s forehead, tears slipping down his face into Tom golden hair.

* * *

  
  
 _Tom laughed as Danny moved around the room, parading about in the spare sheet, a smile on his face as he pretended he was royalty._  
  
 _“So, Your Majesty, what would you like as a gift?”_  
  
 _“I’d like …” Danny thought carefully, eyes roving over the half naked boy in front of him, “I’d like to see you completely naked for a change.”_  
  
 _“Don’t, Danny…” Tom struggled against the dark-haired boy as he tore at the jeans that hid Tom’s legs from sight, “Please, don’t.”_  
  
 _“But I want to see you. I want to see you all. I want to press my lips into every single pore of your body so when you wake up tomorrow every part of you has a part of me inside.”_  
  
 _“Why?”_  
  
 _“Because I love you, that’s why.” Danny said the words with a matter of fact attitude, as though it was obvious, but Tom froze on the spot._  
  
 _“What?” He took hold of Danny’s hand to stop him tugging at the button, a serious look on his face. “Danny did you…”_  
  
 _“What?”_  
  
 _“Danny did you just say you love me?”_  
  
 _“Y…eah?” There was a pause, and then Tom pulled the other boy down, onto the sofa, pressing him into the leather, quilt falling to the floor as he kissed him passionately._  
  
 _“I love you too, you idiot. And if you want me. You can have me. Next weekend. Completely.” Danny’s eyes lit up, his body pressing upwards against Tom’s._  
  
 _“Really?”_  
  
 _“Really. Now hurry up and put that quilt back in Dougie’s room before he notices it’s missing, all right?”_

* * *

  
Two days later, Danny moved home. Tom found it hard, still, but immediately he could see a difference. Danny didn’t even need to be told where things were. He knew instinctively, the cupboard above the sink was full of cups.  
  
“Which still strikes me as a stupid idea,” he muttered as he made a pot of tea. Tom hid a smile, knowing that the comment was one Danny made on a regular basis before the accident - one they’d even argued over when they’d first moved in together.  
  
“Tom,” Danny called, hesitating over the cup, “You don’t take sugar, do you?” And there it was, the reminder that Danny still didn’t completely remember him. Didn’t remember anything about him. It were as though he was just another person Danny had once met at a party. Aside from the odd memory here and there, Danny was still having issues recalling anything between them. Tom found it disheartening, that one minute, the man he loved would be talking to him about something he’d just remembered - the time they’d accidentally put Dougie’s birthday present out with the rubbish because it had been put in a black sack so Dougie couldn’t find it when searching for it - and then the next minute he’d be asking something simple, like whether he wanted sugar in his tea.  
  
“No, Danny, I don’t, thanks.” The worst thing was knowing that it was still in there, the knowledge, but that it just wasn’t coming out. Danny would instinctively head into their bedroom at night, for example, then turn around and just stare into space, trying to remember why he was there. It was as though his body knew where it needed to be, but the rest of him just wouldn’t follow through. As Tom took his cup of tea, Danny sighed.  
  
“What’s up?”  
  
“I… I was thinking… if it’s ok with you, that is, that … I’d join you in bed tonight.” Tom nearly dropped his cup, staring at Danny with shock.  
  
“H-What?”  
  
“It’s just. I can’t sleep here on my own. It’s like I can’t do it, it’s physically impossible for me to be here and sleep without you by my side.” Danny drank the entire cup of tea down in one quick gulp, waiting for Tom’s reply. “I understand if you can’t… but I’d like just to try, maybe, for one night. It might help?”  
  
“I -” There was a pause, before Tom nodded, reluctantly adding, “But I can’t be held responsible for anything that happens when I’m asleep.”  
  
“Yeah, I know. Sleep talking habit. Remember the time I recorded you talking to yourself about a Mrs. Pennyworth’s tea shop? God, imagine if that’d got out on the radio…” Tom laughed, blushing at the memory.  
  
“Thanks. Good to see you remember the important bits of our relationship then.” He quipped, drinking his tea and taking both cups over to the sink. Danny followed him, wrapping his arms around the blonde man and pressing his lips to his neck. Tom froze at the touch, wanting to melt back into those familiar arms but refusing to do so until he remembered who he was.  
  
“I do still love you, Tommie,” Danny whispered against his ear, body pressing him a little into the sink-top, “and I still fancy you like crazy. Just because I can’t remember everything yet doesn’t mean I can’t remember how it feels … how you feel.”  
  
“Danny, please…” Tom whispered, “don’t do this.”  
  
“I’m doing this for us.”  
  
“I know. I know.” The cups fell into the bowl of warm soapy water with a slight bang as Danny captured Tom’s mouth with a kiss, hands travelling down Tom’s body. Tom felt unnerved, uncertain if this was the man he loved, or a new man taking his place. His body seemed pretty certain that either way, it was _his_ Danny, and responded without thinking. But his mind was unclear, and forced him to push the other man gently away. Danny took no offence at the gesture, heading up to bed alone. It was several minutes before Tom joined him, and they lay separately, a space between them the size of another person, until finally Tom gave in to Danny’s unspoken ask, and snuggled back against him, falling asleep almost immediately when he felt the Boltoner’s arms around his waist. That night as they slept, the two men curled together as though they’d never been apart; holding tightly onto one another afraid they’d wake up and the other would be gone.

* * *

  
 _“TOM! Wait up, Tom, Tommie, stay still for one second will you?” Danny rushed out of the hall, reaching out to grab hold of Tom by the arm, pulling him into a quick hug. He pressed his lips to Tom’s ear and whispered, out of breath, sweaty all over, “Marry me?”_  
  
 _Tom stopped dead, turned to look at him, ignoring all the fans that could clearly see something important, unusual going on in front of them._  
  
 _“Do you mean it, or are you on an after-show buzz?”_  
  
 _“No, fuck, I mean it. Marry me, Tommie.”_  
  
 _“Yes. I mean, GOD YES.” Tom grabbed him tightly, hugging him so tightly that neither of them could breathe; and Danny started across the road, running backwards, hands in the air as he shouted_  
  
 _“He said y-” The car crunched straight into his body, and he flew through the air, hitting the pavement with a wet sounding crack, face landing on his arm, Tom watching in silence. Fans all around began screaming in a different pitch as Harry and Dougie appeared behind them, not making sense of anything until Tom started to scream,_  
  
 _“GET AN AMBULANCE! GET OUT OF THE WAY! GET OUT OF THE WAY! DANNY!”_

* * *

  
Tom awoke suddenly, sweat and tears running down his face, body shaking and shivering as he remembered the night of the accident. He sat up slowly, forgetting for a second that Danny was with him in bed, that he wasn’t there alone. It was only when he switched the light on that he remembered, seeing the shadow of Danny beside him.  
  
“To..mm?” Danny opened one eye, “What’s up?”  
  
“I… just. Nothing. Nightmare. That’s all.” Tom quickly shut the light off, but it was too late, Danny had already seen the tears and sweat, put the two together and made four.  
  
“I’m here, Tommie. I’m here, I’m alive.” He pressed a kiss to the other boy’s temple, “I didn’t… have you been having these dreams every night?”  
  
“…Yes.”  
  
“Oh… Tommie.” Tom found himself being squeezed, tightly, body weakening in Danny’s arms and letting himself snuggle up to the familiar love that shone through it.  
  
“I told you it wasn’t your fault, I know it wasn’t.”  
  
“It was…”  
  
“No. I should’ve asked you later. I planned on waiting until we were on the bus, but I just wanted you to -” Tom shivered, eyes meeting Danny’s hesitantly in the dark.  
  
“You wanted me to what?”  
  
“I just wanted you to say yes, I just wanted to tell the world, then and there…I just couldn’t stop myself. You’re always telling me off for it, I know, but I couldn’t help it. I love you, Tom. From that first kiss in the hotel room to the last one before our show, I wanted nothing more than to be with you forever…”  
  
“The kiss before the show … you remember that?”  
  
“I… yeah.” Danny thought carefully, mind gently jumping back into place, “I remember you telling me it was us… making it. That’s why I was on such a high. That was us, really hitting the big time. That’s why I couldn’t wait to ask you to marry me.” Tom shivered, snuggling closer to Danny, his own memory filling in the blanks of what happened between that moment and the moment they were in.  
  
“I thought you were going to die.”  
  
“You spent every day next to me… I heard you telling me stories. Telling me you loved me. Telling me about how Dougie and Harry were getting on your nerves. How you wanted me to make it through.” Danny whispered, “I remember your face when I called for Dougie and Harry but not you, and I’m sorry, Tommie, I’m so sorry. But I remember now. I remember now and I’m not going to forget again.”  
  
“You can’t promise that.”  
  
“I can’t. But I promise I’ll always come back to you, Tom. However long it takes, I‘ll always be here, back at your side. Because we‘re meant to be together. You and me.” Danny pressed a kiss to Tom’s lips, hands stroking his back, before reaching for Tom’s hands and pressing them to his heart. “And I’ll never forget that in here.”


End file.
